Well me and my buddy Ellie Chase just had one heck of a movie marathon… consisting of a double-header: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 and American Teen. Yes yes, don’t be fooled by movie titles that might cause automatic gag reflexes – they were actually pretty awesome.
Sisterhood blah blah serves its purpose by further increasing my desire to go to Greece with its gorgeous shots of both Santorini, Greece AND Turkey where I also hope to spend some time this coming year. And American Teen is an incredible documentary about high school kids.
This high school movie got me thinking about my high school days a bit. I was such a different person as a senior in high school from the person that I am now, a senior in college. Wow, what four years can do to you. I saw in this movie all of the high school cliques all over again, the exact same stuff that seems to occur in every small-town high school…it’s all the same. And I thought to myself about how happy I am to have gone to an amazing college which I love and how grateful I am for the way it has shaped my character. Do I still have a lot of problems and am I still on a journey? Of course. You never “arrive”. But I look back at all the pettiness of high school and I’m so glad that for the most part, it never sucked me in. I had God and somehow that got me through years of potential bad choices and heartache unscathed. I had God and somehow He helped me to see that there was more in store for me than a comfortable middle-class life in the suburbs of Mechanicsburg forever.
I’m 21. I’m about to finish school, something I’ve been doing since I was 5 consistently. That is weird. I have no prospects of a relationship in my life at the moment and it feels like most of my friends are in serious committed relationships. Also weird. While many of my friends are applying for grad schools or job-hunting, I am booking a flight for Thessaloniki to see what Greece has in store. I am about to live overseas for the 3rd time in 2 years and that is weird. What do I do with all that?
I just want to know. My life is so open-ended right now that I just want some clarity. I want some better idea of who I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do. I want to let God be in control but I want Him to let me in on everything first. It’s like – you know when you’re opening presents and you’re always supposed to read the card first? I just did this today that’s why it’s on my mind. I tore into a gift before the card and the person giving it to me made me stop unwrapping and go to the card first. Turns out the gift didn’t make much sense without the gift card that was inside of the card. Before this sounds too much like a bad Sunday School object lesson, all I’m saying is I feel like I’m living life the same way – wanting to rip into it and find out the answers to all of its unanswered questions. But I have to do things in order. I have to take it one thing at a time and start with the card, which is sometimes the most boring part of the gift but at other times the gift depends on it. Maybe there is something to be learned from all of this in-between-ness. Yeah.
And with that, it’s way past my bedtime and who knows if I am even making sense anymore.